Wednesday 14 August 2013

An Introduction to Maddness

I'm not sure where to start here. I have put off continuing with my story because the next few posts are really hard for me to relive. what felt like days, weeks even, were really only hours. At first it sounds silly, but you have to bear with me because things got really dark really quick.
I'm talking about my hallucinations while I was on morphine. Imagine your worst fears. Then imagine living out those fears every time you closed your eyes. Each hallucination is a story within itself. Yet they are all intertwined, each hallucination carried over to the next. I remembered where I was and what was happening. I tried to be strong. I tried to keep my sense of humor. Everything was a joke. I tried not to show how hard it was for me to just be there. To just be present, in the moment. Act like everything would be ok. Partially for myself, partially for the numbers of visitors, my family my friends. They did not need to worry. I had no idea the severity of the situation. I tried to suffer through each night (or what I thought was night) on my own.
I was not fully aware of myself or what had happened. I knew there had been an accident. I knew I was in the hospital. I knew what was waiting for me every night when visitors weren't allowed.
What I now know were dreams, haunted me when I wasn't sleeping. They sound strange. Impossible. But at the time I thought they were very real.
Please read the next series of dreams knowing I was surrounded by the fog of drugs. Medicines were keeping me alive, but the last hallucination left me almost dead.

No comments:

Post a Comment